Sharing what I learned about love, loss, and life with my German Shepherd, Sugar, and my Golden Retriever, Toni.

I used to not understand why losing a pet hurts so deeply until I lived through it.

People often say it is only an animal. They obviously don’t know what they are talking about.

Franz Kafka once said, “Everything you love will probably be lost, but love will return in another way.” I found that line only recently. It hit me hard because it explained something I never had the words for. It explained what happened to me when Sugar died and what happened again years later when Toni entered my life.

Losing Sugar broke me in a way I did not expect

Sugar was my German Shepherd. My partner. My best friend for thirteen years. As an only child in a house that was often hard to live in, he made that house feel alive. He made it feel safe. He was the one thing that made waking up feel worth it.

When he passed away in 2017, my heart shattered. The house felt empty in a way that scared me. My days lost their shape. I did not just lose Sugar. I lost the part of my life that kept me steady.

People talk about grief like it were only for human loss. But the body does not care about that rule. Your chest tightens. Your sleep becomes strange. Your routine falls apart. What makes it harder is that the world does not give pet loss the same space. There is no formal ritual. No long line of people checking on you. You grieve quietly, even when the pain is loud.

I was afraid to love another dog

After Sugar died, I told myself I could never go through that pain again. I did not want to open that door. I did not want to risk loving something that much. Whenever people suggested getting another dog, I pulled back. Sugar’s shoes were too big. My heart felt too thin.

I thought love like that happens only once.

But love did return in another way

Then 2019 arrived. And so did Toni. A golden retriever with warm eyes and a spirit that felt familiar in a way I could not explain at first.

I was scared. I did not want to compare him to Sugar. I did not want to put pressure on him or on myself. But Toni became everything I needed. Somehow, he carried the same light. The same comfort. The same gentle presence that Sugar gave me.

And then 2020 happened. The world closed due to the pandemic. Life got dark. I fell into a place that felt heavy and sharp. Yet Toni stayed by my side. He kept me grounded at a time when I felt like slipping away. I still cry beside him sometimes. Not from sadness. From joy. From shock. From the strange feeling that Sugar found a way to return to me through him.

The fear is still there, but the lesson is stronger

There are days when I fear the moment Toni will leave me, too. The idea of losing both Sugar and Toni in the same lifetime feels unfair to someone like me. But my perspective has changed. Sugar and Toni taught me to be brave enough to welcome love again, even if loss is part of the deal.

They taught me that love does not die. It transforms. If energy can shift from one form to another, maybe love works the same way.

Why it hurts so much when a pet dies

Pets fit into your life in ways you do not notice until they are gone. They shape your routine. They change the air in your home. They give you non-stop emotional support without saying a single word. When they leave, your days lose their rhythm. Your heart loses its anchor.

And because people do not always understand, the grief can feel lonely. The silence becomes heavier. But the bond is real. The pain is real. The love is real.

What I learned from opening the door again

If I kept that door shut in 2019, I would have missed out on Toni. I would not have felt Sugar’s love return to me in a new form. I would not have learned that love has more than one way of finding you.

So now I choose to open the door. Even when it scares me. Even when I know the risk. Because love always comes back. Maybe not in the same body. Maybe not in the same face. But it comes back when you are brave enough to welcome it in.

And that is why losing a pet hurts so much. Because they give us a kind of love that does not fade. It only transforms. It only returns. I am no longer afraid of Grief. I am no longer afraid to feel it again. What is grief if not love persevering?

If grief is the price of loving, then so be it. Because everything we love will probably be lost, but love will return in another way, and that “return” trumps “the loss” every fu*king time.

Thank you, Sugar and Toni. You are my baby boys forever.

Your Dad, Migo

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